As a parent you imagine all the wonderful ways that will join his son and all the beautiful memories that you create. But in reality, memories are primarily for parents to keep (or kept in photo or video) because most will not be retained by his son. However, you struggle to make immeasurable and numerous memories for your child to one day return to live.
For this purpose, are the first birthday, holiday in order to instill lasting memories, and often expect just wonderful moments that we treasure. Parents believe that we are doing this for our children and in many ways, we are. However, we are also creating those moments for us, because we're all in this together with our children. All the precious moments will be ours as well.
So what happens when you have a child with borderline personality disorder? The plan remains the same, but so often, those moments are overshadowed by carefully darkness. Or in some cases, completely abandoned. One day, the child can look back and wish he had been a wonderful memory roots there, but it is the father who seems to suffer most because most children get lost in DBP immediate moment or crisis.
Now today is her 18th birthday and a new crisis is upon us. No Happy Birthday morning I wake up with no special moment, when we look back over the past 18 years, no words of encouragement or civility, even. I knew it would be this way, the drama began yesterday and I knew I could not be abandoned so quickly. And she has the right to feel disappointed about the relationship with her boyfriend in the confusion (or over) and delusions disturbed in the past that reared its ugly head a few days before his birthday.
Let me explain. I have a daughter who suffers from BPD. On his 16th birthday, I had such plans. Notice I said "I" She had no such plans, which was lost in the last drama that had taken over his life and blocks everything else. I was disappointed that he could make his 16th birthday with a memory that stays close to the rest of his life. She had no illusion because as he was involved in the illusions that had become her every day.
His 17th birthday rolled around and I was ready, because the crisis had intensified and I did not even know if I would be home. We celebrate with a cream pie and one of her friends, late at night. I tried not to be disappointed, but deep down, I was. She was not.
But when you have a child with BPD, it becomes all these disorders. And that is magnified with little or no effort elsewhere. And so the time should be special, is lost. My plan to have a small meeting, pizza, a poster full of the past 18 years in the film and just rejoicing in this milestone --- just go.
My daughter is too caught up in a frenzy to notice that this moment is fading. But, like her mother, I feel very well. That is my heart is breaking for what might have been. It's my head that I can not understand why it is so important to her and me. And that brings up my brief, because today is not about me.
Now the wounded pride, dreams, hope - whatever you call them, should be annulled. It is my 18th birthday, which is hers. And I honor that is not what I would have hoped or expected, and that "it is what it is." Those words are the credo of the parents of family members who have been diagnosed with BPD, now "there is nothing written in stone."
So mourn what could have been or what we think of as a celebration would be. And mourn for the child who does not even recognize what they missed because in their world, missed nothing. They have changed and away to a place that can not travel with them. The most we can do is be here when you return. Happy Birthday my girl Poodi 18th.